Laughter Page

Port Huron
Free Methodist Church

Please be in prayer for artist, Mike Purcell, who is on the USS Germantown,
and the rest of our armed forces as they go into harm's way.

Cartoons are

weekly and monthly.

God is like...
BAYER ASPIRIN
He works miracles.

God is like...
FORD
He's got a better idea.

God is like...
COKE
He's the real thing.

God is like...
HALLMARK CARDS
He cares enough to send His very best.

God is like...
TIDE
He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

God is like...
GENERAL ELECTRIC
He brings good things to life.

God is like...
SEARS
He has everything.

God is like...
ALKA-SELTZER
Try him, you'll like Him.

God is like...
SCOTCH TAPE
You can't see him, but you know He's there.

God is like...
DELTA
He's ready when you are.

God is like...
ALLSTATE
You're in good hands with Him.

God is like...
VO-5 Hair Spray
He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like...
DIAL SOAP
Aren't you glad you have Him?
Don't you wish everybody did?

God is like...
The U.S. POST OFFICE
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will
keep Him from His appointed destination.

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example, " she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out,
"You'd be his wife!"

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

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* GOD'S BILLBOARDS *

The God billboards that are catching the eyes of drivers in all over the country are financed by a non-religious organization, according to the Smith Agency, that created them. The award-winning campaign first ran in Florida, where it was financed by an individual. The following are all of the God slogans created for the campaign:

Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. -- God
C'mon over and bring the kids. -- God
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? -- God
We need to talk. -- God
Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. -- God
Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. -- God
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing ... I meant it. -- God
I love you, I love you, I love you. -- God
Will the road you're on get you to my place? -- God
Follow me. -- God
Big Bang Theory? You've got to be kidding. -- God
My way is the highway. -- God
Need directions? -- God
You think it's hot here? -- God
Tell the kids I love them. -- God
Need a marriage counselor? I'm available. -- God
Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test. -- God
Do you have any idea where you're going? -- God
Don't make me come down there!!! --God

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Church Bloopers
A worm welcome to all who have come today.

Don't miss this Saturday's exhibit by Christian Martian Arts.

Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.

If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a
check, and drip in the collection basket.

Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcing a National Prayer & Fasting Conference ... cost for attending includes meals.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come and watch us kill Christ the King.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowler's. Bring your own hot-dogs and guns. Friends are welcome.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning, "Jesus walks on water." The sermon tonight, "Searching for Jesus."

Next Thursday is tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital. She is having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Elmer's sermons.

During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J. F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

Don't let worry kill you off, let the church help.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host and evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the basement every Friday.

Ladies bible study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The Low-Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.

The Weight Watchers group will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday. "I Upped My Pledge... Up Yours!"

The Church by the Bridge.
Connecting People With God